The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @lopp ever

February 2012

@seanmcnichol nah, I don’t carry weapons that I’m not trained to use… also, I’m not familiar enough with the knife laws… yet.

via web in reply to seanmcnichol

There are a lot of lawyers in the cigar at Whiskey; the conversation alone is worth the price of membership.

via twicca

whiskeydurham The Club Room will be closed until 8pm this evening, at which time the Inaugural Club Room Cigar Club mtg will begin. Seating is limited.

via Twitter for iPhone (retweeted on 4:42 PM, Feb 29th, 2012 via web)

A great way to get the FBI to start building a file on you is to request their file on you. http://t.co/itS0G5Yv

via web

ncpolicelogs Gary Banning, 43, of Havelock, accidentally drank from a jar of gasoline and then smoked a cigarette. http://t.co/sS2m05KN

via Tweet Button (retweeted on 8:26 AM, Feb 29th, 2012 via web)

@jefft don’t you use gmail’s web interface?

via web in reply to jefft

I have a feeling I’m the last person left who only reads emails in plain text format.

via web

DEVOPS_BORAT If you have Big Data process is involve grep, you are do it wrong.

via web (retweeted on 4:20 PM, Feb 28th, 2012 via web)

The correct answer if asked “what is your greatest weakness” in a job interview is to walk out without looking back.

via web

@thegourmez quite confusing for my GPS. “You’re driving through a forest OMGWTFBBQ!”

via twicca in reply to thegourmez

Apparently @ncquickpass is so eager to charge people for using the new Triangle Expressway that they sent me a bill for $0.00. ಠ_ಠ

via web

@pmccall777 @jeremy_degroot @ameir They don’t; stop making cross-universe comparisons!

via web in reply to pmccall777

@Jeremy_DeGroot @ameir Compared to an Enterprise class ship. Also, ships in Star Wars most definitely have shields. http://t.co/RUsR6F28

via web in reply to Jeremy_DeGroot

@ameir The Bird of Prey is a junk heap - the only thing it has going for it is cloaking.

via web in reply to ameir

Bruce_Schneier U.S. Federal Court Rules that it is Unconstitutional for the Police to Force Someone to Decrypt their Laptop http://t.co/RB54MsiL

via liberation_fr (retweeted on 7:44 PM, Feb 27th, 2012 via web)

whiskeydurham 2/29 Inaugural Cigar Club Mtg in the Club Room. Open to Members and Guests Starts at 8 - http://t.co/sFme5A5q

via MailChimp (retweeted on 2:29 PM, Feb 27th, 2012 via web)

lesliejenna I have seen it all: Chick from high school checked in at the hospital as she’s getting ready to give birth.

via web (retweeted on 2:06 PM, Feb 27th, 2012 via web)

juliussharpe I wish someone I hate and disrespect would ask me to be brutally honest with them.

via Echofon (retweeted on 1:57 PM, Feb 26th, 2012 via web)

If you love Eastbound & Down, you have to see Your Highness.

via web

julien “A system cannot understand itself.” - W Edwards Deming

via Twitter for iPhone (retweeted on 9:32 AM, Feb 26th, 2012 via web)

I’m disappointed that Triangle Brewing company adds 1 habanero per 100 gallons in its Habanero Pale Ale. I used 6 in my last batch of chili.

via web

If you enjoy watching “House,” you’ll want to see “Sherlock.”

via twicca

ncpolicelogs A Fayetteville man has been charged with embezzling meatballs and anchovy dip. http://t.co/xsSVeyWf

via web (retweeted on 10:01 AM, Feb 24th, 2012 via web)

Today in the “no shit” department: giving the government “Big Brother” powers does not make citizens safer. http://t.co/S68zTHat

via web

Santorum: “I would not cut the defense budget, I’d cut food stamps.” Because fuck poor people in EVERY country!

via web

ryaninco If you Tweet something that I find offensive and makes me cringe… I’m gonna star it and follow ya

via Favstar.FM (retweeted on 8:17 AM, Feb 23rd, 2012 via web)

I bet the Twitterbaters who followed me solely due to my connections with email marketers are pretty fucking disappointed with that decision

via web

It’s time to start getting ready for mankini season!

via web

thebestmonkey The world has become so PC, I worry that when I say “fucktard,” someone is going to tell me, “Don’t use that word. My cousin’s a fucktard.”

via Twitter for iPhone (retweeted on 1:38 PM, Feb 22nd, 2012 via web)

Get it right, rappers: a true gangster honors his elders, protects women & children, & respects the innocent. Otherwise, you’re just a thug.

via web

Program or be programmed. http://t.co/QOFDrWPJ

via web

Things Rick Santorum wants to make illegal: birth control, porn, gay sex, pre-marital sex, non-missionary sex. http://t.co/OwgG77nA

via web

@jefft I thought you said there was a game on tonight

via twicca

johnjoseph Manhattan has the highest % of single people in US except for an island in Hawaii originally settled as a leper colony http://t.co/wFAdGEEq

via Echofon (retweeted on 7:13 PM, Feb 21st, 2012 via web)

Vistaprint is by far the most egregious offender in the “upsell / cross-sell / product recommendation during the checkout process” category.

via web

@michaelbrooks But is there even a resale market for cats? Seems like you can’t even give them away…

via web in reply to michaelbrooks

DEVOPS_BORAT In startup after too much Nagios critical alert we are always perform 5 Why. Each of time we are find interesting way of destroy pager!

via Mobile Web (retweeted on 11:00 AM, Feb 21st, 2012 via web)

Why did the chicken commit suicide by walking into the road? To get to the other side.

via web

They say you can become an expert in any field with 10,000 hours of practice. I think I just might have the dedication to become a sexpert.

via web

ericboggs Been at 208 Rigsbee for 3 months. Today was the 1st time a homeless person wandered into the office. Surprised it took so long. #dirtydurham

via Argyle Social (retweeted on 5:40 PM, Feb 20th, 2012 via web)

@whosthedoss That’s for the reanimation experiment. Don’t let it thaw.

via web in reply to whosthedoss

I use it so often that I really need to set a hotkey to print out the look of disapproval. ಠ_ಠ

via web

“La Horde” is the most realistic zombie movie I’ve ever seen.

via web

@pmccall777 NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS!

via web in reply to pmccall777

Invest in land and fossil fuels; they aren’t making any more of them. Invest in yourself - they aren’t making any more of those either.

via web

I have examined all the women in my area on @okcupid and found them to be lacking. Time to take this shit multi-channel.

via web

Got accepted into Mensa yesterday. Currently taking bets on who will be weirded out more at the meetings: me or them.

via web

@jdchmiel where are the docs? I call shenanigans!

via web in reply to jdchmiel

The simplest way to stay abreast of emerging technology is to watch what the porn industry is doing.

via web

DEVOPS_BORAT In startup we have first fireable offense is dependency injection.

via web (retweeted on 4:12 PM, Feb 16th, 2012 via web)

ncpolicelogs BREAKING: Sgt. Jason Brandon Hoyle of the Raleigh Police Dept has been charged with promoting prostitution of a minor. http://t.co/EsxLAJ6I

via web (retweeted on 3:31 PM, Feb 16th, 2012 via web)

@flyosity due to unconditional love?

via web in reply to flyosity

Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought.

via web

There’s nothing wrong with being elitist so long as you’re actually 1337. For example, you should not be elitist about driving a Honda.

via web

@dapak Columbian is still the best, though.

via web in reply to dapak

“Despite technological innovation, the unquantifiable human element is still the greatest influence in whiskey production.”

via twicca

@ameir I can’t complain about that issue because I wear them myself on my motorcycle for longer trips - all other time I wear ear plugs.

via web in reply to ameir

If you drive a 20-yr-old car & listen to music via earbuds, you’re frugal. If you drive a new Lexus & listen via earbuds, you’re an idiot.

via web

My problem with Krav Maga is that I’m not hardcore enough to go more than once a week. Yet.

via web

My favorite hospital irony is the constant horde of people outside smoking.

via web

I wonder if anyone ever started a company because they read an article saying that it was a good time to start a company.

via web

Vampires are real. They’re the people who suck up your time with useless drivel, thus draining you of life that you’ll never get back.

via web

I’m really regretting following @OKCupid today.

via web

VeryShortStory Alex bought Sharon a ring for Valentine’s day, which she sold to buy the gun, that stopped him from loving her.

via TweetDeck (retweeted on 8:32 AM, Feb 14th, 2012 via web)

“I do not fear death. I was dead for billions of years before I was born & did not suffer the slightest inconvenience from it.” - Mark Twain

via web

@hoorayimhelping @dapak you guys heard about Whitney Houston too?

via web in reply to hoorayimhelping

@drewpotential I myself am crocking a bison stew as we speak

via web in reply to drewpotential

@mikestable I had that happen once with live shrimp

via web in reply to mikestable

Listen to these people and your life will improve: @julien @neiltyson @rands @Oatmeal @thesulk @Bitterjojo @thebestmonkey

via web

@colopy I get a fair amount of inspiration from @julien

via web in reply to colopy

Never refrain from speaking your mind due to fear of offending the recipient. But, as a recipient, never take anything personally.

via web

@knucklesandwich test takes 18 years to complete; blocking on my social connections would cause timeouts.

via web in reply to knucklesandwich

ncpolicelogs A Burlington Church worships too loudly, “sound like they’re getting their arms ripped off.” http://t.co/bnrAd0hL

via Tweet Button (retweeted on 10:08 AM, Feb 10th, 2012 via web)

@knucklesandwich what did YOUR parents do with you? Mine would talk to me about the things we saw & play interactive stimulating games.

via web in reply to knucklesandwich

Your kids should not be staring at a screen while you drive them around. They need to look out the damn window and learn about the world.

via web

@seanmcnichol amica; I just have the minimum liability… it’s something like $10 a month. The trick is not to have a lien on the bike.

via web in reply to seanmcnichol

Zip ties are underrated.

via web

dcm I’m not sure @espn will ever understand that having Dickie V call a UNC / Duke game is like having Coach K call it to UNC fans

via TweetDeck (retweeted on 9:30 PM, Feb 8th, 2012 via web)

I won a free Papa John’s pizza via their Super Bowl coin toss promotion… but the email with my coupon went to my spam folder. Fail.

via web

@mark_a_phelps indeed, it would have been a much more interesting story if it had occurred in public

via web in reply to mark_a_phelps

@mark_a_phelps yeah, but it turns out that most people are pussies

via web in reply to mark_a_phelps

Got punched in the face for the first time in my life. http://t.co/JutoNpgA

via web

GoogleCowboy Tucker Max’s Rejected Twitter Campaign #tuckermax http://t.co/pYFEs7xM

via Tweet Button (retweeted on 10:24 AM, Feb 7th, 2012 via web)

julien How to Change Your Life: An Epic, 5,000-Word Guide to Getting What You Want http://t.co/g3dT8he2

via Twitter for Mac (retweeted on 9:22 AM, Feb 7th, 2012 via web)

People who have garages: if you park your car INSIDE the garage instead of using it to store junk, it won’t be iced over on cold mornings!

via web

@seanmcnichol TROLOL you should try pirating books some time

via web in reply to seanmcnichol

@gaggingtowards Can’t argue with that logic. After all, that’s how grammar is born.

via web in reply to gaggingtowards

@gaggingtowards some dude *who* has a neck tattoo

via web in reply to gaggingtowards

@covati somebody needs to whip out a fucking dictionary and they’d know that the email merely called the recipients female dogs.

via web in reply to covati

I found a condom in my locker at the YMCA today. Damn, I really need to find THAT exercise room.

via web

thesulk God, if guys had hot tits and vaginas I’d be so gay.

via Twitter for iPhone (retweeted on 10:38 AM, Feb 6th, 2012 via twicca)

Snagged second row tickets to Kevin James at @dpac - who wants to be my friend?

via twicca

“Nice guys finish dead.” Insights into street robberies and the lives of hold-up men told by a robbery investigator. http://t.co/hJ4DdVzP

via web

@jdchmiel because you only advertise things that don’t sell themselves.

via web in reply to jdchmiel

Mashups are here to stay. The Superbowl has given them validity.

via twicca

Bitterjojo Today is the Super Bowl of having to read shitty Super Bowl tweets.

via Twitter for BlackBerry® (retweeted on 3:49 PM, Feb 5th, 2012 via web)

Nagios, I wish I knew how to quit you.

via web

You know you have a problem when you find yourself taking the racing line while walking along a curvy sidewalk.

via web

We are here to drink beer. We are here to laugh at the odds. We are here to live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us.

via web

ncpolicelogs Hope Mills officers tased a woman who blocked a McDonalds drive-thru for 20 minutes after cutting in line. http://t.co/q739a5th

via web (retweeted on 5:28 PM, Feb 4th, 2012 via web)

The Mensa entrance exam was easier than the practice exam on their web site.

via twicca

Never tell me the odds. Probability is for people who are willing to accept failure as an option.

via twicca

Bitterjojo I’m one day closer to reaching my goal of dying alone!

via Twitter for BlackBerry® (retweeted on 9:57 PM, Feb 3rd, 2012 via web)

After coming in 2nd place a few years ago, today I have reclaimed the championship for both singles & doubles foosball at @bronto

via twicca

Bronto Coming soon to Bronto [PIC] a.bron.to/bJ Wonder what it’s all about? a.bron.to/bN

via TweetDeck (retweeted on 4:13 PM, Feb 3rd, 2012 via web)

If you enjoyed World War Z, you’ll want to keep an eye out for http://t.co/fZcPdna9

via web

Read “Man’s Search for Meaning.” http://t.co/KR7vsctj

via web

@mark_a_phelps hey jackass, play “codex”

via web in reply to mark_a_phelps

Just bought front row tickets for Daniel Tosh at @dpac

via twicca

@seanmcnichol The possibilities are endless. It took me 4 hours to decide on 5.56 over .308. But I have a friend who might sell me one cheap

via web in reply to seanmcnichol

Can’t wait to get my AR-15… I mean, my tax refund.

via web

Don’t try to time the market. Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful. http://t.co/ejHYxbr2

via web

My biggest problem with “The Walking Dead” is that all of the lawns & green areas are still well-manicured post-zombie apocalypse.

via web

Separating your friends from your acquaintances is like separating wheat from chaff. Keep pounding until only the finest of quality remains.

via web

@drewpotential Yeah… but it’s still a Hyundai.

via web in reply to drewpotential

carpedurham Durham’s potential wing truck @fullstreetwings is doing a kickstarter http://t.co/XUGSTJPB

via web (retweeted on 10:15 AM, Feb 1st, 2012 via web)

Pick a handful of areas in which to become a connoisseur. After a few years you’ll finally know how to spell connoisseur correctly.

via web