This week I’ve earned: 3 bruises on my back from 100 MPH racquetballs, both shins bruised & 3 bloody knuckles from Krav Maga. #nopainnogain
pmccall777 Amazing lineup tonight at @tylerstaproom Durham. Bell’s Hopslam leading the lineup, also Dogfish 90min, SN Hoptimum, Avery Maharaja & 2 more
DEVOPS_BORAT In startup we are allow all employee for use 20% time on personal project but only in weekend.
galifianakisz Stand up for all people in #NC, join the @protectNC moneybomb to defeat #amendment1 https://t.co/4ciB1zKJ
RT @rands: Wind over the US — right now: http://t.co/c1G7Zk7S (@hackernews)
Oatmeal Types of Extremists http://t.co/BQYtZeKd
whiskeydurham It’s the last Wednesday of the month and that means Cigar Club Mtg- Club Room 8pm
My Krav Maga partner today very politely asked me to stop kneeing him in the gut so that he wouldn’t vomit on me. What a nice guy!
@McGinity Yep, screw Ticketmaster. I always take the 10 min to walk over to DPAC.
In the not-too-distant future, you won’t need a license to operate a vehicle. Only the vehicle will need to be licensed - to operate itself.
@Jeremy_DeGroot angry birds… SPACE
If you ever upload a video to YouTube and it offers to automagically fix any jitteryness, just say no.
@sweetlydrifting a chicken bbq food truck that I hadn’t seen before last night. apparently they’re based out of wendell…
Had my first @chick_n_que sandwich last night; it was delicious!
The best part about getting the NCAA March Madness streaming package is that you can watch games later that you missed.
In a recent press release, Detroit announced that they have finally succeeded in eliminating the economy.
@pmccall777 you can grow weed in the sea now?!?!?
I’m quite interested to see if advances in food production technology are able to keep pace with population growth this century…
@pmccall777 It’s even worse when someone describes their startup as the <popular service> for <unpopular thing X>
alexbonin It’s never good when your twin is ugly
tubafrenzy Coming out of Twit-tirement to thank @TriHUG for Practical Pig talk & @Bronto for beer. If only I’d ordered a porter, pilsner, or pale ale.
Spring sprung, spewing spunk sideways.
My favorite part about the radio ads for the local Christian talent agency is that their phone number is STAR-420.
Jeremy_DeGroot https://t.co/7kPDAz87 We watched this movie last night. It’s the best documentary I’ve seen this year. #elmo
I hereby declare today to be the shittiest of 2012 thus far.
gedeon The stupidest thing you’ll see this year - http://t.co/jHtHBCQo
covati In Sweden, cash is king no more http://t.co/jNWJvlR5 robberies down, hacking and bank fees way up
Dame’s Chicken & Waffles needs to double their seating capacity & triple their kitchen throughput. 2 hour wait & they are out of the special
DEVOPS_BORAT If you are not wake up of Nagios minimum 2 time per week, your technology is not sufficient cutting-edge.
@mattmeis CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! /helping make decisions
Bummed that tomorrow’s Childish Gambino concert in Charlotte has been postponed by 2 months due to a broken foot! http://t.co/3cb2PYqR
patrick_allaert A: Do you have a time estimation to develop it?
B: Mhhh, about 2.
A: Hours?
B: Don’t know the unit yet.
#epic #estimation #development
@ddahlke pussy, right?
A National Geographic survey claims 41% of Americans think Doomsday Prepping is a better investment than a 401K. ಠ_ಠhttp://t.co/ETxxZHDe
A 20-yr-old dork awkwardly proposed to his girlfriend of 6 months on stage @ Jay & Silent Bob last night. The audience groan was ginormous.
Daylight Savings Time has exposed a flaw in my patent-pending, 100% organic Dog Alarm Clock.
ncpolicelogs Charlotte PD took down their log for maintenance in 2009. It never returned, perhaps b/c it conflicted with crime stats http://t.co/miYzGlZB
flyosity Oh Monopoly, you crack me up. http://t.co/qv8aZmoF
My current theory is that people become Doomsday Preppers because they can’t cope with the fact that the world is constantly changing.
@Jeremy_DeGroot they key is to give it a gentle nudge while it’s very far away; trying to obliterate an asteroid is asking for trouble.
ncpolicelogs A Gaston County teen is in hot water after a social media monitoring company alerted police to a “threatening tweet.” http://t.co/5iCOKEEZ
For March 20th @TriHUG meetup at @Bronto I’ll be presenting “Practical Pig: Preventing Perilous Programming Pitfalls for Prestige & Profit”
NCAA Bracket prediction: everybody loses.
The most important part of writing a presentation to a technical crowd is coming up with a catchy title.
unitedrep Still in office, Rep. Heath Shuler (D-NC) already negotiating w/ K Street to become a lobbyist. Revolving door, much? http://t.co/tqxm6is2
ncpolicelogs Mr. Smiley had a PlayStation under one arm and was holding up his pants with his other hand as he ran from police. http://t.co/FkEnSL4T
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it’s because it’s fertilized with bullshit.
MusclesGlasses I rarely smoke, ‘cause last time I got the munchies, I got permanently banned from all Wal-Marts.
Pedestrians on phones are as bad at walking as vehicle operators on phones are at driving.
Extremely disappointed to learn that cruise ships stopped offering skeet shooting in the 1990s.
Motorcycle season is definitely here; NC has had at least 3 deaths this week where a car pulled out in front of a biker. ಠ_à²
emilepetrone Comcast’s $10 Recurring Dirty Trick cc @comcastcares - Hmm that is interesting - my bill is $10 higher this… http://t.co/M2KY4Ynr
@jefft woah does it stream porn at 4G speeds now?
@ameir You must be attempting to build a http://t.co/hnSLfBC0
juliussharpe Cool new feature of iPad 3 - you can smash it over an intruder’s head.
Someone called me pretentious this morning and almost made me spit out my Austrian goat milk double-half-caf-half-decaf-soy milk cappuccino.
“An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.” - Aldous Huxley
VeryShortStory I bought a jaguar today. Not a car, an ACTUAL jaguar. I figure it will impress women more than a car. I got a two seat saddle for it.
Based upon my thorough analysis of every religious themed painting ever created, God is a never-nude.
thebestmonkey I’ve never admitted this to anyone before but, I was super disappointed when I learned The Genius Bar wasn’t a drinking establishment.
@jefft u mad, bro?
@jefft Enjoying the game?
rickygervais Everyone has the right to believe anything they want. However illogical.
And anyone else has the right to find it fucking ridiculous.
@mattmeis bleh
@jefft did you know about http://t.co/xtO2HlPZ
@hoorayimhelping /r/circlejerk
@covati “Cassandra Map/reduce possible with Apache Hadoop” BWAHAHAHAHA
@covati no no no yes no yes maybe maybe
@jbeardsley @jefft thankfully a number of those are temporary tattoos / fake
thebestmonkey What if, when people Googled you, you could feel it?
I have GOT to stop smoking pot.
Scumbag AMEX spams me daily to load funds on prepaid card, won’t let me w/o an account, can’t create account w/o card they haven’t sent. ಠ_à²
DEVOPS_BORAT For junior devops I recommend of start with Low Availability first.
Was rejected yesterday for a credit limit increase by Chase. Today I signed up for an Amazon Visa card… through Chase. Suck it, Chase!